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RE: Joke Corner
By Bally 2 months ago

‍The wife bought me a Rolex for my birthday, "Do you like it?"

She asked. "It's great, it will always remind me of your pussy." I answered.

"Is it because it's precious and sexy?" She inquired.

"No," I replied, "It's a bit loose on my wrist!"

RE: Joke Corner
By daib0 2 months ago

‍Imagine The Titanic with a lisp
...

It's unthinkable

RE: Joke Corner
By Magic147 2 months ago
daib0 wrote:

‍Imagine The Titanic with a lisp
...

It's unthinkable

‍Haha that's brilliant.

RE: Joke Corner
By GynnSquarePhoenix 2 months ago

‍Some Egyptian bloke just pulled up in a BMW, beeped his horn and bared his naked arse out of the window...


Bloody toot and car moon!

RE: Joke Corner
By GynnSquarePhoenix 1 month ago

‍I made that classic mistake last night that all guys make. I got really drunk, and I ended up having sex with my best friend.


Now, I can't even bring myself to talk to him...


To be honest, I don't even want to play fetch with him!

RE: Joke Corner
By tangerinejezza 1 month ago

To the person who stole my antidepressants.......










I hope you’re happy now!

RE: Joke Corner
By Magic147 1 month ago
tangerinejezza wrote:

To the person who stole my antidepressants.......










I hope you’re happy now!

‍Ha, that reminds me of an old Bob Monkhouse joke.

"When I first said I wanted to be a comedian, everybody laughed. They're not laughing now."

RE: Joke Corner
By Bally 1 month ago

‍Details from Elisabeth Fritzel's diary have been released and make fascinating reading


Monday

Stayed in - Dad visited and shagged me


Tuesday

Stayed in - Dad visited and shagged me


Wednesday

Stayed in - Dad visited and shagged me


Thursday

Stayed in - Dad visited and shagged me


Friday

Stayed in - Dad visited and shagged me


Saturday

Stayed in - Dad visited and shagged me


Sunday

Got out and went to watch Everton

Wish I had stayed in with dad

RE: Joke Corner
By daib0 1 month ago

‍Whoever invented the knock knock joke...


Should get a Nobell prize...

RE: Joke Corner
By daib0 1 month ago

‍Why did Karl Marx only write in small letters?

He hated capitalism...

RE: Joke Corner
By tangerinejezza 1 month ago
e1451f66d13bb3f8de55ffd041cb9c0d.jpeg

RE: Joke Corner
By daib0 1 month ago

‍Bought a blindfold today … not sure why though … I can't see myself wearing it

RE: Joke Corner
By GynnSquarePhoenix 1 month ago

‍The wife was in the kitchen cooking me bacon & eggs when I suddenly heard a loud thud. Running in I found her collapsed on the floor & not breathing. I was in a blind frenzy, I had no idea what to do...


Then I remembered, Wetherspoons do an all day breakfast for just £3.99!

RE: Joke Corner
By Bally 1 month ago

Went to the sperm bank last night , The woman took my details and said " Can you masturbate in the cup"


I said " I know I'm good but I'm not ready for a tournament "

RE: Joke Corner
By McPoolmob 1 month ago

‍Check out @timothywookey’s Tweet:

RE: Joke Corner
By Bally 1 month ago

‍You really are a bellend. An unfunny racist bigoted bellend

RE: Joke Corner
By GynnSquarePhoenix 1 month ago

‍I saw 6 men walking around the cemetery carrying a coffin.


2 hours later they were still walking around, still carrying the coffin... 


I thought to myself, "They've lost the plot!"

RE: Joke Corner
By sudds green 4 weeks ago

‍Bus load of nuns crashes and there's a line of penguins at the pearly gates. 

St. Peter says,  "Just a few preliminaries,  ladies,  before we let you through. Sure it's only a formality. 

Now then,  dear,  tell me,  have you ever done anything improper?"

"Forgive me,  Father",  said Sister Ethel,  "for I once saw a man's penis when I was a young girl. "

"Not to worry. Dab your eyes from this basin of Holy Water and you shall pass."

Next in line was Sister Agnes. 

St.  Peter asked the same question. 

Sister Agnes blushed and replied,  " Forgive me Father,  but before I took my vows,  I touched a priests's penis after a night on the altar wine. "

"Oh my!! " said an anxious St.  Peter,  "However,  God is great and can forgive our sins.  Wash your hands in the basin and you,  too,  shall pass. "

Suddenly,  there was a commotion from the rear of the queue. 

Sister Catherine barged past the others and presented herself before St.  Peter  who exclaimed, 

"What's the matter,  my child? "

"Well,  Father, if I'm going to have to gargle with that Holy Water,  I'd rather do it before Sister Mary sticks her arse in it! "



RE: Joke Corner
By daib0 2 weeks ago

‍Bad news for dyslexics, on the 28th October your cocks go black...

RE: Joke Corner
By daib0 2 weeks ago

‍Just bought a new U2 sat nav!

I've had to take it back though.


The streets have no name & I still haven't found what I'm looking for!

RE: Joke Corner
By Leesthedaddy 2 weeks ago

‍Just been to get a loaf of bread costing £1.03p and gave the grumpy looking girl at the till a £20 note.

 She said "have you got anything smaller as that would take all my change."

I said "no sorry but I can pay on card if that helps?"

She sarcastically said " of course it would help" So as I presented my card she said "Cash back?"

I said "Yes please!"

 "How much?" She asked

I said "£18.97"

RE: Joke Corner
By Magic147 2 weeks ago
Ha I could imagine you actually doing that Lee!
RE: Joke Corner
By Leesthedaddy 2 weeks ago

Deffo.  😂

RE: Joke Corner
By daib0 2 weeks ago

‍The Mrs gave me £60.00 yesterday, then told me to go out and spend it on something that makes her look sexy.

You should've seen her face when I came home pissed!

RE: Joke Corner
By Bally 1 week ago

‍ Recent survey says that the first car you drive is as memorable as your first kiss.

This is very true. I still remember mine, an old banger that stank of piss. Can't think what the car was though!

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