I’ve just been held up at the door for an hour, by a woman explaining the benefits of brow bread. 

Fucking Hovis witnesses!

During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password: "MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyParis"

When asked why such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital...

Tonight, I was thrown out of weight watchers. 

I accepted the decision with huge grace. 

Because they threw her out as well. 😜

David Hasselhoff walked into a bar and ordered a drink.

"It’s a pleasure to serve you Mr Hasselhoff,” said the bartender.

“Just call me Hoff,” he replied.

“Sure,” said the bartender. “No hassle.”

Its been announced that Channel Five are paying to fly the ISIS bride back to the UK, on the provision she takes part in their new TV show , Shamima Begum: a place in the sun. Since Big Brothers left a huge gap in their shedual, other shows being aired over the summer will be Anne Frank's cash in the attic, Peter Sutcliffe's homes under the hammer, Fred and Rose West Ground force special and , Josef Fritzl's Amazing Spaces.

Bally wrote:

Its been announced that Channel Five are paying to fly the ISIS bride back to the UK, on the provision she takes part in their new TV show , Shamima Begum: a place in the sun. Since Big Brothers left a huge gap in their shedual, other shows being aired over the summer will be Anne Frank's cash in the attic, Peter Sutcliffe's homes under the hammer, Fred and Rose West Ground force special and , Josef Fritzl's Amazing Spaces.

“Shedual”😂😂😂
Qblock2019 wrote:“Shedual”😂😂😂
Ha Ha. I've just noticed that. That's what you get when you copy and paste off a Fev Rovers forum
Bally wrote:Ha Ha. I've just noticed that. That's what you get when you copy and paste off a Fev Rovers forum
You can’t have. We’ve not got a fan that can cobble that many words together 😮

I’ve just bought a jehovah’s witnness advent calendar. 

Behind every door is someone telling me to piss off . 

 I walked into Macdonalds today and said ...

"I have no money but I would like to buy a big mac and fries please "

The girl said "with what? "

I replied " a large coke thanks "

What do we want?

A cure for bipolar disorders!

When do we want it?

We don't want it anymore!

GynnSquarePhoenix wrote:

What do we want?

A cure for bipolar disorders!

When do we want it?

We don't want it anymore!




remind me of  a student rally...


What do we want?


Holdays for six months!


When do we want it?


Twice a year!!

My girlfriend dumped me last week, so I pinched her wheelchair. 

She soon came crawling back. 😁. 

My mate went to get a tattoo of an Indian on his back. Half way through he said, "Don't forget to put a big tomahawk in his hand." The tattooist said "For fuck sake, give us a chance mate, I've only just finished his turban!"

Last night I had a telephone  conversation with an old neighbour of mine now living in Mexico and I asked him what the locals thought about Trump's WALL.

Well obviously they are upset, but in the long run they will get over it.

We ordered a Chinese takeaway last night from a local place (I won't name them) and as I was driving home, I heard the bags rustling and moving!! I thought what the hell is that. Has something got in the bag, I thought I could see a little pair of eyes peering out at me. I was driving so I leaned forward, picked up the bag, put it on the passenger seat and there it was again, more rustling and little eyes looking out behind the prawn crackers, I thought its got to be a rat or a mouse or something, so I carefully pulled the bag down ...

And there it was ...


... A Peeking Duck!!!

Missing: black and white cat, very, very very intelligent.

Tiddles, if you're reading this please love, come home...

Looking for good home for family dog.


It is a small terrier.


Only problem is it barks and whines all day until owner returns home.


If you are interested give me a call so I can hop over next doors fence and get it for you.

For fuck sake one of the Russian acrobats in our human pyramid has been deported. Now we dont have Oleg to stand on!

Bally wrote:

For fuck sake one of the Russian acrobats in our human pyramid has been deported. Now we dont have Oleg to stand on!

👍

Please note: Having a wank in a copy of the Beano doesnt mean you are taking part in Comic Relief.

I found a hearing aid outside my garden gate.

When I saw my neighbour I asked, "Excuse me sir, is this yours?"

He just blanked me the ignorant cunt!

A man went to the Police Station hoping to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. “You’ll get your chance in court.” said the Desk Sergeant. “No, no no!” said the man. “I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I’ve been trying to do that for years!”

get your own back...


Walking home this morning and a British gas engineer was sat in his van. He wound down his window and said "whats the time mate?" 

I replied, "between 8 and 1"


An ex-girlfriend of mine was obsessed with counting.  I often wonder ..... what she is up to now?!

Wife came home from work to find her husband watching the football. "I've decided I'm leaving you, all you do is talk about football. You think about nothing else," she said. "I'm also seeing someone else. He's younger than you, handsome, understanding, tender, treats me like a queen, does anything I ask, has a 9 inch cock and fucks me hard and dirty till I can't take anymore." "Really?" The husband replies. "What football team does he support?"